


Never thrust Uncle Ron

by Icicle



Series: Drunk!fics [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling
Genre: Albus and Scorpius are bffs, Albus thinks he's devious, Blow Jobs, Boyfriends, But Albus loves him anyway, Camping, Community: firewhiskeyfic, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Harry Potter Next Generation, Humor, Kissing, M/M, Next Gen, Scorbus, Scorpius and Albus are 16, Scorpius is a bit extra, Slytherin Albus Severus Potter, Slytherin Scorpius Malfoy, Somewhat Cursed Child Compliant, What Was I Thinking?, but he's really kind of dorky, written while intoxicated
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-11
Updated: 2017-05-11
Packaged: 2018-10-30 12:59:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10877271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Icicle/pseuds/Icicle
Summary: Albus takes his spoiled boyfriend camping. Scorpius is a brat, but Albus shows him camping can be fun. Written for the Earth Day Firewhiskeyfic Challenge on dw.  This is part of my drunk!fics series, but can be read alone.





	Never thrust Uncle Ron

**Author's Note:**

> **Warning:** This fic was written for the firewhiskeyfic challenge on dw. I wrote this fic after I thought it was a good idea to follow wine with vodka. However, unlike my last drunk!fic, I've actually fixed the spag. If you want the full amusement of reading the real drunk!fic, including my 10 different spellings of Albus and Scorpius, click [here](http://firewhiskeyfic.dreamwidth.org/4149.html).

**Title:**  never thrust uncle ron

 **Author:**  icicle

 **I am of legal drinking age in my region:**  (yes/no) yes

 **Pairing(s)/Characters/Fandom:**  Albus Severus/Scorpius

 **Challenge:**  camping

 **Summary:**  Albus takes his spoiled boyfriend camping. Scorpius is a brat and Albus shows him camping can be fun.

 **Rating/Warnings:**  Erm? Camping, blow jobs, hand jobs, underage? 16 is that under age? Slytherin Albus and Scoprius

 **Author's Notes** : I was going to write Harry/Draco like I always do, but then I had this image of Scorpius pouting and being horrified of going camping in my head. So yeah. FWF fucks with my brain. Good luck. Sorry not sorry.

Enjoy the ASS.

* * *

 

 

******

 

Albus Severus Potter had just turned 16 years old. In his mind, that meant he was a man now—a fully grown, responsible, adult male wizard, who could make his own choices, regardless of what his mother said. For his birthday, which was luckily over the summer hols, all he wanted was to spend a weekend alone with his boyfriend, the very fit and sometimes ~~always~~ extra Scorpius Malfoy. Of course, his parents would never agree to that, so Albus had to get creative. He wasn't a Slytherin for nothing.

Even if his mum was tough, his dad had always been a big softie. All Albus had to do was convince him and then everything would be perfect. He'd be able to complete his plan of seducing the hottest bloke in Hogwarts: aka his new boyfriend, Scorpius. He was lucky indeed. Now all he had to do was find his father.

 

******

 

Albus waited for his father to come home for work. He paced around the living room, staring out the window until his dad finally walked in.

"Dad! Dad!" Albus called as soon his father walked through the door. He threw his arms around his father's waist and hugged him tightly. "I missed you so much."

Albus' dad smiled at him and returned the hug. "I missed you too, Albus." He kissed him on top of the head, and Albus felt a little smug that he was now almost as tall as his father. His father ruffled his hair and Albus whined. "Dad, stop! You'll mess my hair."

Albus' dad chuckled and shook his head. "Sorry, Al, I forgot you actually try and tame your hair."

Albus bit down on his lip. Really, he was insulted. He'd spent a long time trying to make his sorry excuse for hair presentable and his dad didn't have to make jokes, especially since it was  _his_  fault that Albus was stuck with horrid hair in the first place. _But_ …he didn't want to argue with his dad since he needed him in the best possible mood to agree to his plan. Instead, he offered his father his brightest smile. "It's okay, Dad," he said. "I forgive you. Are you hungry? Can I get you anything?"

His father frowned and looked at him through narrowed eyes. "Do you want something?"

"Why do you say that?" Albus asked, trying to sound as innocent as possible.

His father laughed. "Because…this is the longest conversation we've had in a week. And—you didn't insult my hair or wardrobe since I came home."

Albus sighed. His father was an Auror and even if Albus usually did have him wrapped around his finger, his father was sometimes smarter than he gave him credit for. Gryffindor or not. Oh well, now he had to bring out the Slytherin charms, his dad always fell for.

"You're right, Dad," he said solemnly. "I'm sorry for bothering you." He pouted his lower lip and batted his eyelashes. "It's just…you know how it was my birthday last week? My  _16th_ birthday…the most _important_  birthday a witch or wizard has?"

His father furrowed his forehead. "Wouldn't the most important birthday be when you turn 17?"

"I suppose," Albus agreed, "but 16 is important too! And I was all alone without my bestest mate in the whole wide world." He pouted his bottom lip again. "You know how important friendship is? You always told me so, Dad. How Uncle Hermione and Aunt Ron were  _everything_  to you at school. Your family?"

"I  _did_  say that." His farther crossed his arms in front of his chest. "So what do you want then, Albus? I thought Scorpius was still visiting Narcissa."

Albus smiled widely. "No, he's back. They're all back. And Mrs Malfoy is fine. It was just a scare." He shuffled his feet.

His father ran a hand through his hair, messing it up further, and Albus tried not to cringe. He'd never understand why his father didn't care about his hair or fashion sense. Saviour of the wizarding world or not, it was always important to look the part.

"I'm glad Narcissa is feeling better."

"Me too!" Albus cried. "In fact, she's feeling _so_ much better that Scorpius is allowed to visit. Isn't that wonderful?"

His father nodded. "So...that's it?" He raised an eyebrow. "You wanted to know if Scorpius could come visit?" He paused. "You know Scorpius is always welcome here."

Albus shook his head. "I know that, Dad. No, I was hoping…we could go camping." He waited for his father's reaction, which looked confused. "Just the two of us."

"You want to go camping with Scorpius Malfoy... _alone_?"

"Yes," Albus replied through gritted teeth.

"Have you gone mad?" His father let out a wry chuckle. "You're 16 Albus and so is Scorpius. Do you really think I'm going to let you spend a weekend unsupervised?"

Fuck, Albus thought, this conversation was not going at all how he'd imagined. He really thought that his father would agree. He was the easy parent. If he couldn't get his father to agree, there was no way that his mother would agree either. He needed to think of something. And fast. There had to be another angle here. Something was missing. He pondered for a minute, studying his father's furious expression, and then it came to him. The one thing his father could never say no to.

"I'm not mad, Father," Albus said, using his serious, grown up voice. "It's just that Scorpius is a bit down since it's the anniversary of his mum's death next week, and I wanted to cheer him up. Plus, you were fighting Voldemort at my age and running around all over the place unsupervised."

"That was different!" his father snapped. " I didn't have a choice. Do you really think I _wanted_ —"

His father took a breath and composed himself. He lowered his voice. "I'm sorry for Scorpius. You know that I always thought Astoria a lovely woman, but I still don't think it's a good idea, Al. Can't you think of anything else you'd rather do?" He gave Albus a hopeful look.

"No." Albus sighed much more dramatically than necessary. He'd failed with the dead mother card. He only had one card left to play. "It's just that I  _already_ told Scorpius, and even Mr Malfoy agreed." He gave his father his most innocent expression. "And—you know how Mr Malfoy  _is_ …he  _never_ agrees to anything. Never lets Scorpius go anywhere. So…"

His father's eyes widened. "Malfoy…I mean, Draco, agreed to let Scorpius go camping with you alone?" He said each word with a greater sense of disbelief.

Albus smiled. Finally! He knew his father could  _never_  resist a competition against Scorpius' dad. "Yes, he trusts us, Dad. He knows we're adults and thinks it will be educational for the both of us."

"Educational?" his father asked, a stunned.

"Yes. You know I'm doing a Newt in Astronomy. So is Scorpius. We're going to study the constellations while we're there. Plus, we'll go to that Muggle area you always took us. It's perfectly safe." Albus tried his best to keep the excitement and hope out of his voice. He was so close!

His father bowed his head and let out a long sigh. "Fine," he said resignedly. "I will discuss this with Draco to make sure it's okay. But—if he doesn't have a problem with it, then I suppose I don't either."

Albus beamed. "For real?"

"Yes, for real."

Albus threw his arms around his father's neck. "Thank you! Thank you, Daddy!" he squealed. "You won't regret this."

His father shook his head. "For your sake, I hope not."

 

******

 

Albus stared at the tent. He had to admit that he was pretty impressed that he'd been able to set up it up without magic. Scorpius had been surprisingly helpful, considering that he was less than enthusiastic about this whole camping trip. The only reason he agreed was because Albus had begged and promised to reward him with sexual favours.

"So what do you think?" Albus asked.

Scorpius frowned. "Well, I don't understand why we couldn't just check into a hotel, but I suppose it looks alright." He motioned to the small green tent, which was only the slightest bit lopsided.

Albus rolled his eyes, ignoring his posh boyfriend. "Come on," he said, grabbing his boyfriend's arm and dragging him inside the tent. "Wait 'til you see the inside. It's just like the TARD—"

Albus' jaw dropped. Fuck. He'd planned to spend his weekend shagging his boyfriend, making him cry out in all sorts of ways on a modest but comfortable bed. While their tents had never been luxurious, they were still more than acceptable. He didn't think Scorpius would protest  _too_  much. But  _this_ …must have been some sort of mistake. His Uncle Ron had lent him this tent, and it turned out to be an entirely ordinary tent. There was no magic on it. At all. Inside, it was just as small as it looked from the outside. There was nothing but a small rolled up cot in the corner.

How could Uncle Ron do this to him? Did he give him the worn tent on accident? He'd assured him that he had the perfect tent for Albus to go camping with…all set up and stocked with amenities. He took a deep breath and tried not to panic. He couldn't lose his cool and let Scorpius see that he was surprised. If he acted like he was concerned, then there was no way that Scorpius would agree to stay. Instead, he smiled and pretended everything was normal.

"So…" He released Scorpius' arm and gestured toward the small space inside the tent. "Welcome to our humble abode. Make sure to watch your head," he said with a fake smile.

Scorpius snorted and wrinkled his nose distastefully. He jerked his chin toward the old cot in the corner. "I will  _not_  sleep on that," he drawled.

"Then you can sleep on the floor."

Scorpius looked horrified. "Malfoys don't sleep on the floor."

"Is that right?" Albus asked. He licked his bottom lip and then closed the distance between him and his boyfriend, catching his lips in a kiss. "Who said anything about sleeping?"

Scorpius tried to reply, but Albus kissed him again before he could snark any further. "Just shut up, Scorpius," he said, in between kisses. "We're here alone. For once. No one will interrupt us." He gave Scorpius a hopeful look, pouting his lip. "Let's make the best of it, yeah?"

Scorpius gave a pained sigh. "Fine." He shook his head. "I always knew you'd be the death of me, Albus Potter."

Albus tangled his hand through Scorpius' fine hair, relishing how soft and silky the strands felt. He trailed kisses up his neck, until he reached his ear. Then he started tracing the outside of his ear with his tongue. Scorpius shivered and Albus leaned in and whispered, "Don't die, yet." His voice was raspy. "I have plans for us."

Scorpius shivered again and then pushed Albus away. "That tickles." He scrunched his nose in a way that Albus did not think was adorable at all.

Albus laughed and then smiled lewdly at his boyfriend. "If you think that tickles, wait 'til I lick you elsewhere."

Scorpius' pale cheeks flushed, a most delightful shade of pink. It wasn't often that his boyfriend looked embarrassed. He hadn't earned the reputation as the Slytherin Ice Prince for nothing.

After several seconds, Scorpius seemed to compose himself. "Prove it." He swallowed and Albus could not take his eyes off his pale neck.

"Oh, I plan to," Albus agreed. "Multiple times."

 

******

 

"I'm not lying on that." Scorpius crossed his arms in front of his chest. He thinned his lips, looking too much like the spoiled bratty child Albus thought he'd finally outgrown.

"Too bad." Albus grabbed Scorpius by the shoulders, thankful that he still had a couple of inches on Scorpius, who hadn't quite finished his growth spurt yet. He pushed him down onto the sleeping bags that Albus had arranged as a bed, and then pinned him to the ground.

Scorpius struggled against him, flailing his lankly arms and legs. Albus couldn't help but smile. "You've whined the entire time we've been here, Scorpius." Albus used his firm voice. "Now, it's time to listen. For once."

Scorpius didn't respond but continued squirming against him, half-naked and gorgeous, rubbing his chest against Albus'. After wrestling for several minutes, Albus won and Scorpius finally declared defeat.

"You win, Al," he grumbled.

"What was that?" Albus asked, smug.

"I said you win. Do your worst."

Albus smiled lewdly. Oh, yes, this was going to be fun. He'd been daydreaming of having his boyfriend fall apart underneath him for ages. They'd been best mates for years but had only recently become a couple. It wasn't often that they had privacy to be alone together. He was going to enjoy this.

"Take your shorts off," he ordered, "and your pants too."

Scorpius glowered at him. "But you're still wearing all your clothes."

Albus smirked. "Too bad. I  _won_. Now do it," Albus said, warning in his voice. "Unless…you want me to do it for you?"

Scorpius untangled his long limbs form Albus' and then slowly removed his shorts and pants. Albus  _liked_  this. Scorpius never listened to anyone nor did what he was told. The only person Albus ever saw Scorpius listen to was his father, so this was definitely an unexpected turn of events.

It wasn't the first time he'd seen Scorpius naked, but it still impressed him all the same. He licked his lips and felt a twitch straight to his cock as he studied the smooth, pale skin of his boyfriend, the hard, flat plane of his chest, the light, golden hair that dusted his stomach, the beautiful long pink cock, which stood upright just for Albus, pushing against Scorpius' stomach.

"Come here," Albus said, his voice hoarse in this throat.

Scorpius huffed a little but came, sitting on the sleeping bag next to Albus.

"You're so gorgeous," Albus told him. "I can't believe you're mine." Albus wrapped his arms around Scorpius' neck and kissed him. Scorpius kissed him back and ran his fingers though Albus' hair. "You're not so bad yourself," he replied. He lowered his gaze, staring at Albus through hooded grey eyes that looked almost silver in the fractured light, shining in through the thin tent walls. He bit down on his lower lip and Albus imagined where he much rather have those lips, feeling his cock grow even harder.

"Can you please lose some clothes?" Scorpius asked, batting his eyelashes. He pushed his hand inside Albus' shirt and started rubbing his nipple. "I want to touch you too."

"Alright" Albus said reluctantly. He hadn't planned on giving in to Scorpius so easily, but when Scorpius looked at him like that, he could never deny him anything, and the bastard knew it. Once Scorpius removed his hand form Albus' shirt, Albus shrugged it off, tossing it onto the floor next to the pile of Scorpius' clothes. He took his shorts off too, leaving behind only a loose pair of boxers.

Scorpius stared at him, hunger evident in his eyes. "Those too?" he asked hopefully.

Albus snorted. "Not just yet."

Before Scorpius could protest any further or demand anything else, Albus pounced on him. He pinned him to the floor again and started kissing his neck, sucking on the skin firmly, while Scorpius whimpered. "Al-bus," he breathed.

Scorpius always liked when Albus sucked on his neck, and Albus wanted to make him putty in his hands. As Scorpius continued to squirm against him, Albus worked his way down Scorpius neck, pressing kisses everywhere and then started kissing his chest. He circled Scorpius' nipple with his tongue and Scorpius moaned, wriggling his hips against Albus, his hard cock, leaking precome.

"Not just yet," Albus mumbled against his chest. "Patience."

Albus had waited so long for this that he was not going to rush it, especially not for their first real time together. He refused to count a few quick, messy hand jobs in the school broom cupboard as their first time together. Albus was a Slytherin, and Slytherins liked to be the best. There was no way in hell he wouldn't be the best at this too.

He dug his nails into Scorpius' back, watching his back arch off the floor and wince in pain. "Albus, please—"

Oh yes, his plan was working brilliantly. He had Scorp just where he wanted him, and he hadn't even touched his cock yet. "You look gorgeous like this," he said, "writhing underneath me. It's like you _belong_ there."

Albus breathed into Scorpius stomach and continued kissing there, lower and lower, massaging his tongue, tantalisingly against Scorpius' flushed skin. He looks so pretty like this...flushed against me, Albus thought. He knew he'd never get tired of this. Starting to feel his own cock ache for attention, Albus decided he'd teased Scorpius enough. He wrapped one hand around the shaft of Scorpius' cock and started stroking it. He cocked his head up and locked eyes with his boyfriend, so he could see exactly how he affected him. Scopus made the sexiest little whines we he was aroused, and even more so when he came.

"Al," Scorpius gasped, his voice high-pitched and breathy.

Without breaking eye contact, Albus took Scorpius' cock into his mouth. He'd never given a blow job before, but he'd been lucky enough to receive a couple and he'd done a lot of reading. He just needed to pretend he knew what he was doing and everything would be oaky. Scorp would never know he lied.

Scorpius tasted saltier than Albus had imagined and musky; there was something else, too, almost sweet that might have been the remnants of whatever expensive posh soap Scorpius used. It wasn't bad though. He could do this, Albus thought. He continued sucking on Scorpius cock, sucking deeper and harder, teasing his tongue against the sensitive head of Scorpius' cock every so often, using his hands in sync with his mouth. Scorpius tilted his head back, making the hottest little groans, his back arching in what Albus thought looked like an uncomfortable position, but he wasn't going to judge or complain about his boyfriend's flexibility. Rather, he loved watching his always uptight boyfriend come undone in front him, because of him; it was exhilarating.

He could get used to this feeling and wanted to see what else he could make Scorpius to do. Albus always liked it when his balls were fondled; it always made his orgasm stronger and pushed him over the edge quicker. He wondered if Scorpius would be the same. There was only one way to find out. Without releasing Scorpius' cock, he gave a soft, experimental tug to one of Scorpius' balls. Scorpius jerked his head up and released a surprised gasp. "What are you?"

"Relax," Albus mumbled, after he came up from air. "Trust me, okay?"

Scorpius closed his eyes. "Alright."

Smiling, Albus took Scorpius' still fully hard cock in his hand and started pumping it. He clenched his jaw. It was quite tight and he realized he'd have to work on his stamina if exchanging blow jobs with his boyfriend would become a habit, which he hoped it would be. Scorpius didn't seem to mind. His cock was still slick with saliva and he thrust his hips forward against Albus' hand.

"Al, I'm close," Scorpius cried. "I wanna come… _with you_ … _please_ —"

Albus swallowed. This wasn't exactly how he'd planned this, but they did have the rest of the weekend. He supposed it would be okay for their first round. "Okay."

He released one hand from Scorpius' cock and pushed down his own boxers, letting them pool down to his ankles. He knew he must look ridiculous, but he couldn't bring himself to care. Closing his eyes, he wrapped one hand around his own cock, never stopping stroking Scorpius' cock. "You feel so good, Scorp—" Albus said, eyes still closed. He felt dizzy and hot, knowing his orgasm was close.

"I—" He leaned closer to Scorpius and then pressed his cock against Scorpius', rubbing both their cocks together. Scorpius cried out and Albus had to bite down on his tongue to prevent himself from doing the same. Someone had to pretend this was no big deal. He continued thrusting his cock against Scorpius', savouring the warmth against his, not imagining that anything else could feel _this good_. If rubbing against Scorpius felt like _this_ , Albus couldn't imagine what it would be like when Scorpius actually allowed him to shag him. He shuddered. It was almost  _too much_  to imagine.

Lost in the dizziness of his daydream, of fucking Scorpius Malfoy, he grabbed both their cocks in his hand and started stroking them rapidly.

"Fuck, Al!" Scorpius yelled. "How? I'm gonna…"

Albus couldn't speak; his words were caught  in his throat, his head spinning. This felt too good. He'd wanted this to be special—had wanted it to be more than the two of them in an old, Muggle tent, but being anywhere with Scorpius, watching him come against him, leak into his hand and drip all over the floor was too much.  _He'd_  done that.  _He'd_ made Scorpius look like that.

Within moments, he followed Scorpius over the edge, his come mixing with Scorpius' and cascading down the floor into a messy pool. Something told him that James wouldn't want these sleeping bags back. He couldn't help but feel smug.

 

******

 

"So you ready for round two yet?" Albus asked, as he cuddled against his very naked boyfriend, resting his head on Scorpius' shoulder.

"Huh?" Scorpius asked, looking at him with sleepy eyes.

After cleaning themselves up a bit, they'd decided to lie down. Apparently, having Albus suck his cock knocked Scorpius out. Not that Albus was complaining. He'd love any excuse to curl up against his naked boyfriend. "Round 2," Albus repeated, pressing a kiss into Scorpius' hair, which was slightly damp.

"Erm…" Scorpius bit down on his lip. "Maybe soon." He offered a weak smile. "We have all weekend, right?"

Albus' mood brightened. While he was knackered too, his cock twitched in interest at hearing Scorpius' words. "So we're staying all weekend then?" Albus asked, trying to keep his voice casual. "I thought you said that you wouldn't be caught dead spending more than one night in this 'sorry excuses for a tent'."

Scorpius shrugged, or at last tried to shrug since Albus was holding down one of his shoulders. "I suppose... that maybe camping isn't all bad." He turned his head and smiled sheepishly.

Albus didn't even try to hide his smugness. He gave Scorpius his most wicked smile. "I told you so," Albus said, still grinning. "All my plans are always brilliant. You should listen to me more often."

Scorpius snorted. "This was  _one_  time, Potter," Scorpius drawled. "Don't let it go to your head. Your plans are always pants."

"True." Albus sat up and grabbed Scorpius' face. He turned his chin to face him. "But you like me anyway."

Scorpius rolled his eyes. "Merlin knows why—" He leaned in and kissed Albus soundly. "But I do."

"So can we do this every year for my birthday?"

Scorpius sighed and shoved him in the arm. "Don't push your luck, Potter."

 

**THE END**

 

* * *

 **A/N:**  (sober)  So what did everyone think? Lol. I don't remember writing at least half of this, but that's basically a requirement for firewhiskeyfic night. I laughed so much when I read the title of the fic. It was so perfect that I couldn't bear to change it, even if it was a typo. Same goes with Uncle Hermione and Aunt Hermione. And Albus and Scorpius being 166. *shakes head*

I hope you enjoyed this drunk!fic as much as I enjoyed writing it. Don't forget this fic is not meant to be taken seriously. It was just written for fun.  

 

Comments and kudos are ♥! 

 

**~Icicle**

 


End file.
